"Why I wish I would have stayed a Virgin"

I had chosen one "unsuccessful" relationship after another. Nothing ever lasted, and on some levels they were "All Abusive" whether Emotional, Physical, Abandonment, ect. This went well into me being an adult, until one day, as one author would put it "My soul just opened up" and I said "NO MORE SHEETS"! as another inspirational Author would put it.

I wish I had stayed a virgin because, I would have had more self-esteem and confidence. I would have focused more on me, and the activities that I wanted for my life.

For whatever reason, I felt that being a Virgin, I was missing out on something, that boys would not want me, and if they knew I was a Virgin, they would have only wanted one thing. I also felt that I would keep my boyfriend, if I did not give him what he wanted, I was afraid that someone else would take him from me and give it to him and satisfy him, I was afraid of losing him.

Self esteem was shot, he totally disrespected me afterwards, he stayed whatever I mean whatever came to his mouth or hands. Also, as a teen my self worth was totally shot as well. Some would disagree with what I am saying, however research after research shows this to be true.

It gets even worst when you start to date men that won't commit, or don't want to put a title on the relationship, or cannot tell you after years of dating, sexual intimacy, and emotional intimacy where the relationship is headed or what he wants out of it, or is he even sure that its you that he wants! All the while he is keeping his options open for something even better (in his mind) This is damaging to young women's self esteem and self worth, she starts to wonder, hmm, what is wrong with me? what am I doing wrong? how come, ect, ect.

EXCERPTS FROM THE BOOK "The Truth behind SweetGyrl"

Read below.

Virgins Make the Best Valentine's Valentine tradition that works.National Review OnlineFeb 14, 2007By Patrick F. Fagan, when out-of-wedlock births are nearing 40 percent, when most children will reach age 18 without both of their parents together, celebrating St.

Valentine's Day has less and less the note of joy and romance in it.Yet America needs a real Valentine tradition precisely because the messages we give our teenagers pushes more and more young men and women to reject each other rather than to belong to each other. The vast majority of teenage young men putting on condoms and teenage young women taking the pill has no intention of marrying those whom they bed. They join in the embrace meant to last forever, knowing all the while that they will likely walk away from each other.

Thus they reject ‹ and get used to being rejected ‹ in their intimate lives, and in the process build not a culture of belonging and romance but one of rejection and suffering. They pay a price bigger than most suspect.A few years ago Robert Rector and Kirk Johnson of the Heritage Foundation did an analysis of the 1995 National Survey of Family Growth and found that for women 30 or older those who were monogamous(only one sexual partner in a lifetime) were by far most likely to be still in a stable relationship (80 percent).

Sleeping with just one extra partner dropped that probability to 54 percent. Two extra partners brought it down to 44 percent. Who would have thought that the price of sleeping with even one partner would lead to divorce for almost half of those who had only one extra tryst?It would seem virgins make not only the best Valentines but the best mothers ‹ for raising children well means developing their capacity to be married parents who know how to stay married and how to select a mate who can do the same ‹ a long-term task made for two parents who love each other.

Making babies is the easy part of parenting: It hardly takes any effort or acculturation, hence all the effort Planned Parenthood puts into its agenda.Today in our culture everyone, even Planned Parenthood sometimes,passes on to girls the cultural script that mothers and children belong together. But the difficult script of 3male and female together forever2 gets little attention.

Sexual attraction or the falling in love comes easy ‹ no scripting is required for that. Even belonging together for a while comes easily enough. It is only after the"delightful madness" of being in love fades that the long haul of truelove begins. It is virgin women who have the greater capacity to find the men capable of it.But fewer and fewer of our young men are capable of this long haul.Consider how teenage boys are being scripted.

How many pick up the message that it is best to have as many women as possible, versus those who pick up the message to find 3their one and only true love2?How many get the predator/hunter message instead of the message to become the "protector of their love"?It is easy for men to take to the predator message; it may even seem to be hardwired. By contrast it takes a massive cultural effort to make the protector lesson take hold among men. Most cultures (not ours anymore, alas) have put enormous energy into the protector message because the children of each generation need their fathers at home with them. Almost a quarter of our children are aborted today, 80percent outside of marriage, while 60 percent of those who do manage to make it alive through the birth canal eventually end up with their parents rejecting each other.

We, the United States, have become one huge culture of rejection.While 80 percent of the virgins in the Rector-Johnson study above maintained a stable relationship, 20 percent failed. That data set cannot tell us but I suspect that many of these latter virgins were foolish enough to trust themselves to a "predator"-scripted male.Meanwhile, their non-virgin sisters who married after they had given their virginity to someone other than their husbands were all by no means doomed to divorce, but the data indicate the majority was. From Steve Nock's research on Virginia divorces, we know that roughly two thirds were initiated by the wives.

Extrapolating from Rector-Johnson's research I bet most of the wives in Example did not come to their husbands as virgins, but before marriage were already used to rejection and rejecting and to moving on to another man. This is just a hypothesis and it may be proved wrong, but checking it out will make for a very interesting study.In the meantime, for the young people who want to have a lifelong valentine in their future, the lesson is already clear:

Consider virginity. It is the natural prequel to the love that lasts.‹ Patrick F. Fagan, is the William H.G. FitzGerald Fellow at the Heritage Foundation.National Review Online -http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=MGNiODQ4YmEzMjc1ODc1YTYwNmIxM2Q5ZWZkZmE3YTM= *********************